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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29638992">falling for betrayal</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandom_psycho/pseuds/multifandom_psycho'>multifandom_psycho</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dnf song fics [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>???? maybe idk, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Dialogue Heavy, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prisoner Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Realization, Sad Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Sad GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Song Lyrics, Tags May Change, georgenotfound centric, no beta we die like George in the manhunts, very slightly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:01:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,224</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29638992</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandom_psycho/pseuds/multifandom_psycho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the one where george finally breaks.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream &amp; GeorgeNotFound &amp; Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound &amp; Sam | Awesamdude, GeorgeNotFound &amp; TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dnf song fics [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166930</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. caution when it comes to love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>I remember years ago<br/>
Someone told me I should take<br/>
Caution when it comes to love, I did<br/>
And you were strong and I was not<br/>
My illusion, my mistake<br/>
I was careless, I forgot, I did</p>
</blockquote>I remember when I was a young boy how my parents would constantly be fighting, always at each other's throats. It was a horrible sight for a kid to see, but it was real. I didn't think much of it, thinking all families acted like that. I didn't think that one day when I got home from school I'd see my mother packing suitcases full of our stuff.<p>
  <cite>“Mum, what are you doing?”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“We're leaving George, go to your room and pack your stuff, we're not staying here anymore. We're not staying with him anymore.”</cite>
</p><p>It wasn't till years later that I realized it was more than just arguing and harsh words. I spoke to my mother about it as well. </p><p>
  <cite>“Why did you stay with him for so long? If he was cruel to you?”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“Well George, I stayed with your father because I loved him. Because I still love him. We were good for each other, and he wasn't good to me. It wasn't always like that though. It always starts well.”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“But why didn't you leave when it first started?”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“Love is a dangerous thing. It leads people to do crazy and outrageous things. It's no excuse, but it's a reason for understanding. I didn't leave him earlier because I was blinded by what I felt for him. For the person, he used to be. Promise me something, George,”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“Anything mum,”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“Let yourself fall in love.”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“But isn't this supposed to be teaching me the dangers of love?”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“Why yes, I suppose that's something you can get out of this, but you need to love. You need to care for someone and for someone to care for you. Know that it won't always work out, and not everything is a fairytale ending, but don't think of the possible end, think of the possible happiness.” </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“I don't want to end up like you and dad, mum I'm scared”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“Don't be darling, as long as you're cautious you'll be ok.”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“But you just said to open my heart and love now you're saying you be cautious?”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“I think you're confusing my words. Don't be afraid to fall in love. Don't be afraid to let someone care for you. But still, be cautious. See how they treat their family. How they treat their friends, how they treat themselves. Do they remember the small things about you? Be cautious of the person you fall in love with and who they truly are as a person, but don't force yourself to be alone. The things of life will happen no matter what, accepting it helps. Let yourself love.” </cite>
</p><p>My mother always was a cryptic woman. I never really truly understand this lesson she was trying to teach. </p><p>It's not like I forced myself to be alone, or avoided love, I just never found myself having a connection with people I met. There would be the occasional friendships, but they never lasted. I was a naturally shy and introverted person until you got to know me. And very few people wanted to know me. That was until mum and I moved. </p><p>There were two boys who immediately got my attention. One with a bright hoodie, the color I'm unsure of, but he had long wavy hair. The other was shorter, had a slightly evil glint in his eyes. I soon came to learn their names as Dream and Sapnap. </p><p>I had never clicked with anyone like I did the two of them. Becoming fast friends we did everything together. We had many sleepovers, random adventures, and just a lot of fun. I'd never felt more accepted. </p><p>Sapnap was easygoing. Didn't let too much affect him, he was crazy in the best way possible. Constantly had something up his sleeve. He was easy to read, you could tell when he's happy or sad. The way his eyes move when he's nervous. Or how he craves the physical comfort of others barely getting any at home. </p><p>Although Dream… Dream was difficult to read. He always wore this mental mask, like he was in a bubble. Most people can overlook how doesn't share any personal information about himself, preferring to deflect with comedy and useless likes and dislikes. Even after months of getting to know Dream, I still didn't know Dream. He was a stubborn bastard who wore his mask. </p><p>I myself tried. I tried to not let people see me. I didn't want something that would end like my parents. But no matter what I did I found myself longing for the two doofuses I know as my best friends. Maybe that makes me weak. I promised myself not to make close relationships, so I wouldn't be hurt in the end. I longed for their friendship, for their comfort. </p><p>Before I let myself become close with the two, I would imagine false realities of what our friendship would be like. My personal illusions and fantasies of what could be. In those moments of weakness, I let myself care. It was a mistake I made, something careless. Yet I still found myself drawn to them, especially Dream. </p><p>As we grew up we became even closer. If you saw one of us the other two wouldn’t be far behind. I found myself growing attached, and I didn’t hate the feeling. The dependency was nice, it was different. </p><p>When I was a teenager I didn’t find myself staring at the girls like all the other boys my age. I would usually find myself admiring Dream in the way I should admire girls. I know he noticed, although at the time he acted as if he didn’t. On the other hand Sapnao had noticed, and unlike Dream he would not let me live it down, constantly bringing a flush to my cheeks with his suggestive comments. </p><p>I came out to my friends and mother months after my revelation. The revelation that I was starting to fall for my best friend. My mother took it well, she told me how it changed nothing, that she still loved me just as much, and was proud of me for telling her. I always felt as if she already knew, always using ambiguous and gender neutral terms talking about future relationships. </p><p>Sapnap took it the best. He gave me a hug and screamed that I was valid. He was ever so supportive, never changing a thing in our dynamic. It meant so much to me.</p><p>I was more terrified to tell Dream than my mother. We were sitting in a tree when I let it slip. Quietly I told him how I preferred boys over girls. It was silent. That was until he moved closer to me grabbing my face lightly and leaning in to give me a peck on the lips. Just as fast as it happened it was over. In that moment I was glad he didn’t mention the obvious blush dropping below the color of my shirt. That was our first kiss. Our getting together moment. It wasn’t fireworks or a burning touch. It felt like home. It felt like comfort and pure happiness. </p><p>We talked after, explaining our feelings and figuring out the finer details to avoid any confusion. Our relationship was never verbalized to outsiders, although it was obvious how in love with each other we were. </p><p>That was years ago now. So much has changed since then, and sadly not in a good way.<br/>
The three of us: Sapnap, Dream, and I moved away after high school. Choosing to explore the world we ended up being the finders of the land known as Dream SMP. For a while everything was good. Everyone was happy, just three idiots against the world. If only it could stay that way.<br/>
It didn’t last. The peace and serenity I so desperately craved. As more people came to join the SMP, the stricter the rules and laws had to be. It was all going fine until those damn discs. I truly believe that was the beginning of the end. </p><p>Dream became obsessed. A shell of the man I once knew. Although Sapnap and I stuck with him more often than not. Until… </p><p>Until it was too much. </p><p>He exiled that poor kid. I was never a Tommy sympathizer, although I did feel bad for the kid. I didn’t even care for that house much. </p><p>Sapnap helped take Dream down, and to prison. I chose to stay out of it. Not for the reason most people thought. They thought it would be too difficult for me to see Dream in that light. Or even scared I would be so devoted to Dream that he would switch and join Dream. </p><p>Both assumptions were wrong. </p><p>I knew exactly who Dream was. I knew of all of Dream's plans. He would run each and every single one of them by me. I never asked for him to. He just did it. I more often than not never gave a response. I didn’t have much of an opinion. Nothing he did really took me off guard. He was predictable. </p><p>I just could never be bothered to get involved on either side. Both sides would attempt to get me to join or agree. I’d much rather just stay out of all the drama and chaos. It was never worth it to me. </p><p>But now. Now I had to do something I never wanted to. Now I had to face something I never thought I’d have to face. I was going to the prison to confront Dream. </p><p>He told me everything. Everything but that damn room full of attachments.  </p><p>“You sure you can do this George?”</p><p>“I’m fine Sam. Let’s just get this process started. I’d rather not be here longer than necessary.”</p><p>I could tell Sam was nervous for me. It was obvious in how his voice slightly wavered when he read off the questions. We went through the questions fast. I knew all of them prior to it anyway. I knew not to take anything with me, so I simply put my goggles that were on top of my head in my ender chest leaving it at that.</p><p>Sam and I went through all the safety precautions in silence. We were at the wall of lava. The last obstacle keeping me from what used to be the man I loved. </p><p>Sam did finally speak up, “He’s not who he used to be George.”</p><p>“I know Sam. I’m not expecting him to be, nor am I going in with the belief that I can change him.”</p><p>“Ok, I’ll be right here if you need anything.”</p><p>And we left it at that. The lava finally dropped. I saw him. I slowly made my way across. I made it to the other side with ease. The netherite barrier dropped as well. There is nothing separating Dream and I.</p><p>I sighed. Dream was avoiding all contact, whether it be eye or physical. I realized I would have to be the one to say something first. </p><p>“Hi Dream.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. you have won</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>And now<br/>When all is done, there is nothing to say<br/>You have gone and so effortlessly<br/>You have won, you can go ahead tell them</p>
</blockquote>It was difficult to find words that matched the intensity of the moment. Looking ahead I saw a stranger. Someone who no longer looks like the man I lo- the man I cared for. I can’t let myself love him. Not anymore. <p>“Would you at least look me in the eyes? I deserve that much don’t I?”</p><p>Slowly, soft golden eyes met mine. And it was like falling in love all over again, but I couldn’t allow myself to be weak, so I repressed my predicament and decided to get on with what I came here for. </p><p>“Were you ever gonna tell me? Or were you planning to someday take what meant the most to me too?”</p><p>He inhaled and slowly let the air in his lungs leave once again. Breaking eye contact he looked down in what appeared to be guilt, but I knew him better than anyone on this SMP. He wasn’t feeling guilty about the things he’s done, but feeling annoyed that he was caught and put away. But because I know Dream, I also know that deep down he truly believed that he was doing what he could to make the SMP a better place. Even if that meant he had to be the bad guy. </p><p>But still. He stands in front of me speechless. When everything is done with, what can you even say? No words will sound right, no words will sound like honesty. So why waste useless words?</p><p>“You know, I felt so guilty after you were locked up, but for what I still quite haven’t decided...” He glanced up at me again, taking his eyes off the dark obsidian flooring. “I’m not sure if I feel guilty that I didn’t help you. That I didn’t help the one person I truly trusted.”</p><p>“But I knew then and I know now, you aren’t a good person, Dream. There’s days, many days where I feel guilty that I didn’t help lock you up. I knew of their plans too. Sapnap would constantly keep me updated even when I ventured so far.”</p><p>“The worst part of the guilt isn’t that I didn’t choose a side, and it isn’t that I chose neutrality when I had all the information. No, you wanna know the true worst part of the guilt?” I didn’t expect him to answer me, seeing as the entire visit he had been mute. </p><p>So when he uttered a small “what?” I knew it was him. The Dream I fell in love with. The Dream that was of my fantasy. </p><p>“The worst part was knowing that no matter what kind of shitt you did, and no matter who you hurt, that at the end of the day I am still the worser of the two of us.”</p><p>He looked up at me with confusion written all over his face. It was understandable, I wasn’t one to care about good and evil, right and wrong, just and unjust, so labeling myself as a horrible person? Yeah that took him off guard. It gave me a sense of twisted pride that I could still take him by surprise. </p><p>The almighty Dream was caught off guard by his best friend? Ex best friend? Lover? Past lover? Labels were never really my thing. </p><p>“What are you still confused? How the big bad Dream is still not the villain? I’ll break it down for you. Because regardless of what you’ve done, and all the people you hurt. Somewhere deep down in your cursed blackhole of a heart, you truly believed you were doing the right thing didn’t you?”</p><p>He stayed silent. I wasn’t expecting much of a response so I continue on. “And that keeps you human. Keeps you grounded in some fucked-up way, it kept your humanity. Your ability to believe you were doing it all for the greater good.”</p><p>“But I? I couldn’t give two shits about all those other fuckers. I knew how awful of a person you are, and I knew almost all your plans before you executed them, and guess what? I never told a soul, I stood by your side, I continued to love you, no matter what you did, or who you hurt. And that is why, even though you’re the one rotting away in this cell, I’m still far worse than you. Because I excused it all, and I still walk free.” </p><p>I started to feel a dull ache in my feet and walked over to the nearest wall and finally sat down. Standing on obsidian was not good for my feet, and I had a feeling now that I’ve started it’ll be a while before I stop again. </p><p>Hearing a sigh, I turn to see Dream sitting across from me leaning on the opposing wall. </p><p>“You shouldn’t blame yourself.”</p><p>It was quiet, and his voice was raspy due to him not using it, but it was there. </p><p>“Excuses me?”</p><p>“Don’t-” “Don’t blame yourself for something you had no control of. Yeah you knew, but we both know I was playing you too.”</p><p>“Firstly, who are you to tell me what to do now? ‘Don’t blame myself?’ too little too late. Secondly, you saying that proves my point. A true evil murder with zero good intentions would never tell me not to blame myself. Someone truly evil, truly manipulative would make me blame myself. Make me hurt myself. Yet the man I see in front of me now? He’s a broken man who finally won whatever game he’d been playing all along, but at what cost? Was it worth it, Dream? Losing all of us? Sapnap? Me? Hell even Tommy, was it worth it?”</p><p>“Yes.” He said it with so much confidence you would be a fool to call him out on any sort of lie, but I guess I’m the biggest fool of all.</p><p>“You’re lying. Don’t lie to me Dream. You should know better than to try and get away with that. Lie to yourself sure, whatever makes you feel better, but don’t you dare lie to me. So I’ll ask you again, was it worth it?”</p><p>“No.” It was a short reply. He spoke sternly with zero room for argument, and this time? This time I believed him. </p><p>“Yeah that’s what I thought. Winning isn’t so glorious when there’s no one to celebrate with is it? I find it interesting that you feel like you even won? You are the one sitting in an obsidian box surrounded by lava. So tell me this Dream, what exactly did you win?”</p><p>“Peace.”</p><p>“Well congratulations Dream, you did win. You won something that none of us will ever get. We will all be haunted by what you’ve done. You’ve really gone and done it this time.”</p><p>“SAM!” I call out wanting to leave. </p><p>“I’ve heard everything I needed, goodbye Dream. Enjoy your ‘peace’.”</p><p>“Don’t you want to know what I had planned for you in my room of collections Georgie?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i'm trying here, but life's brutal </p><p>kudos and comments are enjoyed but not expected!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. broken trust and broken hearts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Falling out of love is hard<br/>Falling for betrayal is worse<br/>Broken trust and broken hearts<br/>I know, I know</p>
</blockquote>I freeze. I never would’ve anticipated he say something as stupid as that. “Excuse me? What did you say?”<p>“You heard me. I asked if you were curious to know my plans that weren’t shared with you.”</p><p>I stood in front of him. Masking my face with a blank face sparring no emotion. I couldn’t believe him. The nerve he has is astounding. I opened my mouth to respond, but I was too late. The lava had dropped, and it was time for me to return to the world outside of this cell. </p><p>“Goodbye Dream.”</p><p>“Will you come visit me soon again?” He said it with just a sadistic smile that I didn’t know how to respond. </p><p>I truly didn’t know the answer. Did I really want to see him again? Do I want to know the answer? Do I want him to hold that much power over me again? In the end is it all worth it? I don’t know. So, I say as much. “Maybe, we’ll see Dream.” </p><p>“See you soon Georgie” was the last thing I heard before I am yet again standing in front of Sam. </p><p>I could see the concern written all over his face. I hate it. I’m not some baby that needs to be coddled all the time, but Sam as my ex-roommate and slight father figure I understood his worries. </p><p>“I’m fine Sam, stop dadding me, there’s no need to worry.” It was a pretty shitty attempt at changing the mood, but the Gods must have been on my side, when he let out a chuckle. </p><p>“I’ll always worry. Are you sure you don’t want to move back in with me? I think it could really be beneficial.”</p><p>“Ehh, I’ll definitely consider your offer. I have some more things I need to sort through before I make any long lasting decisions.” I assumed he would drop it at that. </p><p>We walked out of the prison together, somehow making it back to Sam’s base. Mostly walking in silence expert for the slightly tense small talk of the weather. </p><p>I thought he had dropped it, so when he brought it up again I wasn’t sure how to respond. Now that we were sitting in his living room I really had no escape. <br/>I at least appreciate his bluntness of the whole situation, the lack of sugar coating actually felt nice. He straight up asked “You mentioned you had ‘things’ to ‘sort through’ what kind of things?”</p><p>“Wow Sam, not even here 5 minutes and you’re already pulling out all the major questions.” I can tell that this attempt at humor fell short. Well it was worth a try. </p><p>“George.”</p><p>“I gotta figure out some of my emotions and shit. And recover whatever I can from past bases. I lived off the grid for a while y’know.”</p><p>“Yeah I know. You had a bunch of us trying to contact you, but you were literally George Not Found.”</p><p>I chuckled at that. It was a good pun to lighten the mood. </p><p>“Yeah that was my bad. I just had to get away from everything.”</p><p>“That’s fair and quite understandable. So, shall we talk about the major elephant in the room?”</p><p>“I knew this would be brought up.”</p><p>“Hey, I’m just trying to look out for you okay? I’ve talked to him and he told me some of the shit he’s done. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”</p><p>“I appreciate that Sam. I’m just a little shaken up by some of the things he said, that’s all.”</p><p>“He talked to you?”</p><p>“You sound surprised? You just told me how he’s told you the shit he’s done.”</p><p>“When we first locked him up maybe. He’s been going on a strike or something. Refusing to speak. Until now I guess.”</p><p>“Huh. Well that’s Dream for you. If that’s all, I’m gonna head out now. Goodbye Sam, thank you.”</p><p>I quickly darted out. Leaving the home full of memories of a different person. I had a lot to think about. After debating I decide to take a long walk to clear my head. </p><p>Dream is the only thing in my mind. I fell for him when I was a child, and continued to love him till now, but that brings up my question for myself. Do I still love him?</p><p>Falling in love has always been a dangerous game. When you let yourself love, you let your guard down. Give your enemies more opportunities to get to you, to hurt you, and make you compliant. That is if you are the hero. </p><p>I’ve always been fascinated with that idea. A hero will sacrifice the people they love to save the world or greater good. But a villain would stop at nothing to protect who they cared about. As fucked as it is, I want to be loved by a villain. </p><p>I hoped I would never end up like my mother and father, yet somehow I think I ended up worse. I don’t know if my father ever truly loved my mother, but I know damn well that my mother loved my father. It’s why she stayed with him so for long despite how poorly he treated her. My mother was a hero. She sacrificed her emotions and the love she felt for him to save me. The “greater good” in this situation. </p><p>It was hard on her. Even though it was the smartest decision it was a difficult one to make. I watched as she forgave herself, and even forgave him. I watched as she slowly fell out of love with him. </p><p>I’m still unconvinced you can simply fall out of love with someone. I think there will always be a piece of yourself that still loves them. There’s plenty of reason to fall out of love with someone. For example: betrayal. </p><p>“Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations.”</p><p>Dream betrayed me and most people on this server. But did we not do the same to him? Or to another on the SMP? It’s bold of everyone to walk around high and mighty once Dream was locked up, when not a few months ago they were on his side for the war. </p><p>Dream broke my trust as soon as he dethroned me. But did he really? Or was I told to believe that by my subconscious because I knew he’s a bad person, but I still loved him. </p><p>That just brings it full circle back to the initial question of if I still love him or not. He betrayed me, broke my trust, broke my heart, and the worst part about it all is that he’s aware. That he knew he was doing this, yet didn’t give a fuck.</p><p>I need to know what else he had planned, so that means one thing. I need to go back to the prison.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>btw guys, i'm not a dream apologist</p><p>while writing i realized i gave off that impression lmao, but i swear i'm not. i just play devil's advocate a lot and see things from both sides and overanalyze. that's why the whole betrayal thing didn't blame just dream.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. promises will wear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>And thinking all you need is there<br/>Building faith on love and words<br/>Empty promises will wear<br/>I know </p>
</blockquote>I know that I won’t be allowed back anytime soon which sucks ass, because everyone on this server thinks I’m incapable, plus Sam going dad-mode and being the warden? No way will I be allowed back.<p>This entire situation is eating at me. I know I won’t be able to fully heal like everyone wants me too until I get closure. </p>
<p>While walking I truly didn’t have a destination in mind, so it was surprising when I ended up facing a child taller than myself. </p>
<p>“Gogy? Is that you?”</p>
<p>“Hi Tomathy,”</p>
<p>The taller ran towards me engulfing me in an unexpected hug. I assumed he would be furious with me. For letting everything happen, and not trying to help him. </p>
<p>We made small talk until the idea of us sitting down to have a more serious talk was brought up. </p>
<p>Sitting on an abandoned bench watching the sunset was surprisingly peaceful and serene. Something way too calm for the conversation to come.  </p>
<p>“So what does the great Georgenotfound want to talk about?”</p>
<p>I took a deep breath, “I’d like to speak to you about Dream.”</p>
<p>Puzzled, Tommy gave a nod of affirmation. “What would you like to know, Gogy?” I could tell he was putting on a brave face, but I wasn’t going to be the one to call him out for it. </p>
<p>“I firstly want to apologize.”</p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p>“Don’t pull that shit Tommy, you know what”</p>
<p>“No seriously, for what?”</p>
<p>“No one told you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe so, no”</p>
<p>Tommy sounded truly confused. Did no one tell him? Is he trying to use this and get revenge? So many possibilities. </p>
<p>“I didn’t help.” I spoke in a hushed whisper, it was a miracle Tommy even heard me at all. </p>
<p>“During what? Or who? Oh when we arrested Dream? Don’t be sorry Gogy, we understand. He’s like your Tubbo!”</p>
<p>I chucked softy at that. It was nice to see that there was still some innocence left. He deserves at least that.</p>
<p>“Sort of. I knew of your plans and Dreams plans, but I never warned you. Also sorry for basically getting you exiled in the first place.”</p>
<p>“Also not your fault. I’m still learning man, but I know that I made that choice. But I don’t think you were coming here to apologize. So what did you really come to talk about big man?”</p>
<p>It’s interesting how a child can be so wise. After speaking with Tommy longer and truly talking I realized that Tommy may be physically a child, but he hasn’t really been a kid in a long time. </p>
<p>We spoke on what Dream did during his exile. He and I both shed our fair share of tears, in which he said “real men cry!”</p>
<p>I found out a lot more than I probably wanted to hear, but it was something that I needed to hear. So with this newfound information, I made my way back to my base and slept. </p>
<p>Waking up this morning was a surreal experience. I got to enjoy that peaceful bliss where you have no recollection of the days prior, but then everything came crashing down at once. It felt like a wave in the ocean, but I could not swim. Lightning striking down, setting fire to everything surrounding me with no way out. It was truly a “wake up call.”</p>
<p>I knew I had some major reflecting that I needed to do, but I could feel myself wanting to put it off. I won’t let myself though, not anymore. </p>
<p>Dragging myself out of bed, I made my way over to the prison. Not to enter, but to be as close to Dream as allowed to think. </p>
<p>There was a time where I believed Dream was everything. The only thing I ever needed. Obviously Sapnap had been there during this time, but I knew if I lost Sapnap I’d mourn, I’d grieve, but eventually make peace. If it was Dream though? I would’ve never recovered. </p>
<p>Makes the situation I’m in now almost comical. I’ve lost Dream, yet I’m still here. </p>
<p>I fell in love with Dream and the words that he spoke. I’ve never been good with words, but Dream had such a way to articulate, that he said enough for the both of us. I could never find the words to say, so Dream would say them for me. </p>
<p>I remember all the little compliments he would give me. Every single one of them eliciting a blush from me. I wasn’t good at speaking words, nor was I good at taking them. I relied on small things I did for him. I would make his breakfast in the morning to show how I loved him. </p>
<p>That’s how it started I suppose. It started with small gestures of breakfast, but somehow turned more. Turned red. </p>
<p>It was no longer cleaning the dinner table, but instead cleaning the blood off his armour. No longer listening to his ramblings about SHakesphere or whatever new author he was into, but his manic plans about gaining control back. </p>
<p>But I stayed. I stayed on the promise that one day he’d make it all better. I stayed on the promise that it was temporary, but a necessity. I stayed on the promise that we’d escape it all. </p>
<p>What a load of shit. </p>
<p>Dream and all his empty promises can kiss my ass. Every single one of those promises fell through. Although I don’t know why I’m surprised. Maybe it’s the overall shock of it all. Maybe it’s the fact I knew it was coming all along. Maybe it’s because I wanted to bathe in a false promise than admit defeat. So many maybe’s. </p>
<p>And maybe I should march into that prison one last time. </p>
<p>Maybe just maybe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i haven't written in a while sorry...</p>
<p>i got a burst of motivation during science today and wrote this in about 20 minutes, so i apologize if it's bad</p>
<p>kudos and comments appreciated, but not expected! </p>
<p>constructive criticism welcomed! </p>
<p>remember drink water, treat yourself, you're valid, and I love you</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>inspired by james arthur's version on impossible</p></blockquote></div></div>
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